Whilst our largely untouchable committee probably meant well by kicking off with the bright idea that the winner of each event should take responsibility for the related subsequent write up, there was always going to be a tiny danger that some loud mouthed, rambling idiot who knows absolutely nothing about golf might just slip in with a thoroughly unexpected victory on the first day it was introduced…And where would that leave things, we wonder?
As your incredibly generous starter, my strategy was rather simple. The general idea was to challenge the usual balance of abilities by shovelling as much alcohol and nibbles down the throats of those individuals who I perceived to be the most likely threats to a comfortable victory on the night. Anything to upset the usual routines in fact. Craig, Dennis and David were early arrivals so I managed to work on them gently at the bar beforehand. Keith too but he’s completely useless at golf so he doesn’t really count. So that was four Froggie boys pretty much sorted. Frank refused to join us preferring to practice alone. Worrying. Certain players take their golf rather seriously of course. As assortment of goodies was made available at the first tee – most of them fairly unhealthy of course – but with copious amounts of reasonably decent champagne on offer, I maintained a quiet confidence. They’ll surely take the bait. Take as much as you like, chaps. Relax and enjoy the moment. Have another. Longest drive on the first. Would the startegy work? Frank likes a bit of quality. He’s that type of a bloke. Having been persuaded to tuck in to the Moet quite gleefully, Frank was first to up and away. A solid sideways drive into the adjacent fence and out of bounds. Have fun, Frank! A wave and a genuine smile. A perfect return on the investment. ‘Just what the doctor ordered. Next please. No need for me to watch the golf too closely from this point forward…
And so it progressed…In fairness, there were some areas of resistance. For example, Gregor and Arnaud flatly refused to participate in my get drunk quick scheme. Slightly annoying. Maybe try some of the cocaine laced salami instead, chaps? Yes? Perfect. Have a nice round and see you later.
As you can probably tell, I could go on and on about similar nonsense for longer than you could be bothered to keep awake but even I’m starting to get slightly bored so let’s move on. Golf was played. The weather held out nicely. 18 players in total. Standard scratch respectfully high at 17 points. Rob and David went through in the AKD Matchplay face offs disposing of Jess and Paul respectively. Craig, who looks more like the 70’s series Catweasle character every week, won nearest the pin, longest drive and rather greedily, the Bijnens beer leary as well whilst Jess picked up the other longest drive award. Gregor came 2nd with 19 points, Nick 3rd with Rob, Neil, Craig and Marco following along. Latest overall standings and Matchpaly status is attached. Best guest was Richard on 12 points and worst was Keith on 3 points. Andrew collected the pink ball with 8 points, scraping ahead of Botty on 9 and Frank on 11. Bla bla bla.
In the end, it was pretty much business as usual last night with the same old suspects largely dominating the prize giving ceremony at the local restaurant and as such, there are very few material surprises to report on in amongst the overall results. Oh yes. Another deserved win for yours truly of course – that’s now one in a row, I believe – but frankly, who really cares? Certainly not me. Golf is an odd sort of game, isn’t it? People of limited ability are effectively rewarded for being rubbish hence this ridiculous result. For this reason, I would prefer to clsoe by taking the opportunity to offer a few simple observations rather than focus overtly on golfing performance matters.
So…In no particular order…
1. Citco is a wonderful sponsor and their continued involvement is genuinely appreciated by all Frogs.
2. All sponsors are truly super doopa in fact.
3. Frank stayed for drinks and dinner. Blimey. Well done that man!
4. Everyone paid exactly the right amount of money for the golf – perfect!
5. Everyone settled their food and drink bills correctly. Not a cent over or under. Unbelievable.
6. Maybe we get too bogged down in organising start times and playing partners. Why not just turn up between x and y time and go out with whoever is around? This would help the social element of Frogs, I think.
7. Neil is always happy and smiling. We like that.
8. Jess is Danish. Life is good.
9. Marco might organise a Frogs trip to Venice to play some golf. Go for it, Marco! The last time we went away, you needed time in hospital to recover but it won’t be like that, Bart is no longer around!
10. Next Frogs event in Junglinster next Wednesday evening.
11. There are plenty of interesting and amusing characters within the Frogs grouping. Keep it up!
Are we there yet? Probably. Can I go now? Good.