The month of May is upon us, the sun is shining, and 2nd May saw the FROGS landing at Kikuoka for the first time in the 2018 season.
There was a distinct buzz in the air as your humble scribe wandered onto the practice ground this Wednesday, and he was met with some very strange sights indeed… not only was there Mark “Medicine Man” Gillies dancing wildly round the scattered contents of his entire golf bag, obviously deep in some ancient golfing ritual, but there was Tony Nightingale … PRACTICING … (I assure you, this is genuine!) What could all this mean? Would Mark be guided by the Golfing Gods to the winner’s circle (spoiler alert – Nah) would Tony be practicing his way to the top? Watch this space.
Up on the first tee, it way mayhem! The place was rammed, the beer was flowing, everyone was happy (or should that be “Hoppy”?) All that was missing was some US of A-style walk on music…..What should we have chosen ……”What a difference a
day Starter makes”? “ Grandad Hoppy we love you”? Whatever, this “Starter” thing all seemed a great success, and I for one think that we should make this a regular feature. Why the Committee didn’t think of it earlier, I don’t know…
Anyhooo, everyone was too busy to do any actual golfing, so yours-truly was rushed with indecent haste onto the tee, only to disappoint everyone by failing to hit his usual “where the **** did that go”, and instead launch one a goodly way down the middle… (cruelly robbed of LD by petty rules…)
And so they were off. And very soon they had all thrashed and cursed their way round, and made it to the 19th (do we officially have to call this “the 10th in the FROGS”? Ruling please…..) where the usual entertainment was laid on by the Kikuoka cabaret team (or “staff”), who did their usual routine of wilfully misunderstanding drinks orders, and ostentatiously showing that yes, there are 70 religious / cooking channels, and some very interesting lawn mower programmes on, but no we won’t let you watch the football (which is playing on the TV in the other corner)…..
Anyway, who wants to see part 2 of a 13-goal thriller, when you can be enjoying the FROGs Grand Official Prize giving ??!! There was a hushed anticipation in the room, with the atmosphere being only soured by a certain Fat Frog, who insisted in conducting the entire (let’s face it, semi-religious) ceremony, wearing a “they-who-shall-not-be-named” jumper!!! Through shame, the offender shall remain nameless here… just remember that he is a dead ringer for Nicola Sturgeon, from a shallow angle…
Back to the results, and at this point I must thank Jess, (my saviour), who obviously heard me mutter “why the ****** would I want that” when the Fat Frog handed me the list of prize winners, as he took a photo of it (after I had left it behind) and sent it to me, which is why I know the following…..
Bijnens Leary Catweasel (this is sticking, even if he does get a house and a shave sometime)
LD yours truly, but with the prize going to….
5th Dave, with 15 points
4th Nick (again…did he get 2 prizes?) 16 points, off Bugger-all handicap
3rd Rupert (who obviously needs the balls, as he was risking his life on the range to nick a couple)
2nd Stuart “sneaky-long” Rowlands, an excellent 17 points off just 2 handicap
1st Yours truly [18 points]
Being the FROGS, the contest for the pink ball was tight, and at the wrong end of the single digits (as is depressingly common in the FROGS). The list tells me that Gerry and Will were contending, on 5 points (which means that my scoring of Will’s card was way off … Sozz), but in the end, no-one could compete with Tony “Practice” von Knittingale, on a range-improved 4 points. Gents, there are as many theories on pre-round practice, as there are FROGS, but this should surely be a warning…
Finally, I’m glad to report, that with this victory, I have achieved a lifelong ambition, having actually earned more from golf, than from regular employment this year (although I would have preferred it to be from turning pro and winning a Major, instead of being sans employ / en chômage, and winning EUR 150 in golf vouchers … but c’est la vie!!)
In the match play (and I’m winging it slightly here) I believe the following occurred:
Catweasel beat Ayzo
Jess beat Marco
If I’ve missed any, feel free to tell your missus / any close relative… they might care.
All in all, a successful FROGGIE evening. The thanks were both numerous, and given out on the evening, so no need to repeat here, other than to say well done again to Hoppy, who we hope to see on the course again soon (if only to give Tony “Two-Pink” some competition).
TTFN, and may the Frog be with you,