Results CITCO round 6 – Preisch – 28 June 2017

Whilst our largely untouchable committee probably meant well by kicking off with the bright idea that the winner of each event should take responsibility for the related subsequent write up, there was always going to be a tiny danger that some loud mouthed, rambling idiot who knows absolutely nothing about golf might just slip in with a thoroughly unexpected victory on the first day it was introduced…And where would that leave things, we wonder?

As your incredibly generous starter, my strategy was rather simple. The general idea was to challenge the usual balance of abilities by shovelling as much alcohol and nibbles down the throats of those individuals who I perceived to be the most likely threats to a comfortable victory on the night. Anything to upset the usual routines in fact. Craig, Dennis and David were early arrivals so I managed to work on them gently at the bar beforehand. Keith too but he’s completely useless at golf so he doesn’t really count. So that was four Froggie boys pretty much sorted. Frank refused to join us preferring to practice alone. Worrying. Certain players take their golf rather seriously of course. As assortment of goodies was made available at the first tee – most of them fairly unhealthy of course – but with copious amounts of reasonably decent champagne on offer, I maintained a quiet confidence. They’ll surely take the bait. Take as much as you like, chaps. Relax and enjoy the moment. Have another. Longest drive on the first. Would the startegy work? Frank likes a bit of quality. He’s that type of a bloke. Having been persuaded to tuck in to the Moet quite gleefully, Frank was first to up and away. A solid sideways drive into the adjacent fence and out of bounds. Have fun, Frank! A wave and a genuine smile. A perfect return on the investment. ‘Just what the doctor ordered. Next please. No need for me to watch the golf too closely from this point forward…

And so it progressed…In fairness, there were some areas of resistance. For example, Gregor and Arnaud flatly refused to participate in my get drunk quick scheme. Slightly annoying. Maybe try some of the cocaine laced salami instead, chaps? Yes? Perfect. Have a nice round and see you later.

As you can probably tell, I could go on and on about similar nonsense for longer than you could be bothered to keep awake but even I’m starting to get slightly bored so let’s move on. Golf was played. The weather held out nicely. 18 players in total. Standard scratch respectfully high at 17 points. Rob and David went through in the AKD Matchplay face offs disposing of Jess and Paul respectively. Craig, who looks more like the 70’s series Catweasle character every week, won nearest the pin, longest drive and rather greedily, the Bijnens beer leary as well whilst Jess picked up the other longest drive award. Gregor came 2nd with 19 points, Nick 3rd with Rob, Neil, Craig and Marco following along. Latest overall standings and Matchpaly status is attached. Best guest was Richard on 12 points and worst was Keith on 3 points. Andrew collected the pink ball with 8 points, scraping ahead of Botty on 9 and Frank on 11. Bla bla bla.

In the end, it was pretty much business as usual last night with the same old suspects largely dominating the prize giving ceremony at the local restaurant and as such, there are very few material surprises to report on in amongst the overall results. Oh yes. Another deserved win for yours truly of course – that’s now one in a row, I believe – but frankly, who really cares? Certainly not me. Golf is an odd sort of game, isn’t it? People of limited ability are effectively rewarded for being rubbish hence this ridiculous result. For this reason, I would prefer to clsoe by taking the opportunity to offer a few simple observations rather than focus overtly on golfing performance matters.

So…In no particular order…

1. Citco is a wonderful sponsor and their continued involvement is genuinely appreciated by all Frogs.
2. All sponsors are truly super doopa in fact.
3. Frank stayed for drinks and dinner. Blimey. Well done that man!
4. Everyone paid exactly the right amount of money for the golf – perfect!
5. Everyone settled their food and drink bills correctly. Not a cent over or under. Unbelievable.
6. Maybe we get too bogged down in organising start times and playing partners. Why not just turn up between x and y time and go out with whoever is around? This would help the social element of Frogs, I think.
7. Neil is always happy and smiling. We like that.
8. Jess is Danish. Life is good.
9. Marco might organise a Frogs trip to Venice to play some golf. Go for it, Marco! The last time we went away, you needed time in hospital to recover but it won’t be like that, Bart is no longer around!
10. Next Frogs event in Junglinster next Wednesday evening.
11. There are plenty of interesting and amusing characters within the Frogs grouping. Keep it up!

Are we there yet? Probably. Can I go now? Good.


Bijnens 3 Club Challenge – Kikuoka – 21 June 2017

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On a sweltering Wednesday evening 10 Frogs contested this year’s Three Club Challenge, generously sponsored by Bijnens Beer. (order yours directly from Serge! One e-mail is all it takes and he delivers to your address, or so I am told!) Everyone gathered at the first tee to check out the protagonists’ selected weapons of choice, where we were welcomed by Colin our starter for the evening. He made sure we were well hydrated before embarking on the challenges ahead.

And challenging it was; tropical temperatures, hard, fast greens and only a few clubs to choose from! Most people did bring a putter as one of the clubs selected, hover Franco managed to use his 3-wood quite handily off the tee as well as on the putting surface.

Returning to the clubhouse terrace Serge had arranged some very fetching polo-shirts to commemorate the event. The shirt-changing ceremony did solicit a varied but generally enthusiastic reaction from the crowd! Some high-pitched shrieking from the female members of the crowd could be heard when Steve’s first polo-shirt turned out to be a little tight in places! When it was Nick’s turn they could barely contain themselves!

There was plenty of Bijnens Beer to go around to quench the thirst that was generated by our endeavours on a hot summer’s day, and several prizes to be won on the night; leary’s on the 2nd (if no-one managed to hit the green it would be contested on the 6th) and the 9th. Steve missing out on both by only the narrowest of margins. The leary went to David on the 2nd and to Serge on the 9th. As one would expect on a beer manufacturer’s sponsored event; the price was some Bijnens Beer! As Serge obviously has (free) access to this he did not claim his leary.

The overall prize was fiercely contested with 3 people coming in with 13 points. Nick lost 4th place to Mark, who in turn lost 3rd place on countback to Colin.
Simon came in with 14 points and yours truly claimed the number 1 spot for a third time with 15 points. A chip-in for birdie on the 5th for 4 points certainly helped!
Which leaves the pink ball………Serge tried his best but 9 points proved to be too good. As a result, Gerry took the honours with 7.

Now I believe this is a first: There was some live music on the terrace and lo and behold: We all witnessed a dancing Frog! Simon Baker showed us some sharp moves that certainly impressed a local damsel…… Is this going to be trend, I wonder?

All in all; it was a very enjoyable event, thanks to our starter Colin, and of course our generous sponsor Serge Bijnens!
See you all next week in Preisch!


Results CITCO round 5 – Preisch – 14 June 2017

As Meatloaf said, “It was a hot Summers night…” and then he drivelled on and on about wolves and red roses or something, well in the FROGs it’s about alcohol, order of merit and pink balls….and food.

”Twas the fifth Citco Grand Prix event of 2017 and we traveled en masse to France to play France (what do you call a large gathering of FROGs…apparently it’s not a F*ckwit of FROGs although that’s what Mr Nightingale was uttering when the prize giving was revised for a fourth time)…no one was caught by traffic cops on this occasion!

Three Matchplays were played, Marco lost, Dennis lost and Houston had problems finding his space shuttle on the last, and subsequently lost…Rob, Botty and Billy Baxter were the fortunate winners moving further into the AKD Matchplay Comp.

Prize giving was a shambles, but we kind of got there in the end…

Pantaloni Andreone and Maaaarten de Grooooot were writing their names on all the pieces of paper but were rubbish at putting the ball in the hole so they won the novelty beer and wine prizes, this enabled fourth and fifth placed people to also get alcohol and these fortunate hackers were Graham Paul and Johan Terblanche!

Top three on the night were separated by one point, 18 pts from the Evergreen Franco took third place, Colin Cameron who was briefly declared the winner with 21 pts was honourable to declare his score was “only” 19 pts…and was soundly beaten on countback by the ONE known in the Golfaholics as the “Fattest of all FROGs” Botty Botster Botfield who had a lovely evening with Dennnnnis and Maaaaaaaarten for company!

Pink ball was more hotly contested in the corrected scores with Capo Paolo the Stallion putting in a slightly better score than The Kaiser Chief – yes, that’s right Steve Kaiser maintains his “in the prizes” run for another week!

We also had guests, but only Keith Darby stayed for prize giving and his 16pts got him into the prizes, well done Keith!

We had a tremendously talented starter for this event, HE can grow his hair longer than Paul Doesn’t Goes and Duncan Singapore Sling Tippin…but sadly he cannot escape his past…Mark Houston is still a Fifer!

Order of Merit taking shape as follows;

Jess has adjusted the scores so he still leads 🙂 on 75, Old Man Baxter is just a point behind, 67 pts is third place and it’s ZZ Top looking to make a move up the charts if Sandrine let’s him out….

Next event is coming soon, don’t be shy, show us yer pie…

Results CITCO round 4 – Junglinster – 31 May 2017

Another fine evening for the FROGS Citco Round 4 at Junglinster on Wednesday evening. 28 hopeful competitors were met at the first tee by our starter Neil Underwood with outstanding, ice-cold, ferry-procured Swedish beer… thanks Neil. The Swedish beer no doubt contributed to restoring group testosterone levels to their pre-Spring norms, thank heavens, resulting in impressively Viking-esque attacking golf… the daffodils were deflower and the course was suitably pillaged.

Two nearest the pin prizes were up for grabs: Arnaud Bouteiller brutally attacked the 9th hole to take nearest the pin there, while Frank Maitry muscled in on the 4th.

Two antipodean plunderers customarily wreaked havoc on foreign shores: Mark Gillies will be Learily skulling that large bottle of Bjinens Beer for his efforts on the 2nd, while Johan Terblanche plans to slice the top off that bottle of Champagne with a great Viking sword….

This weeks’ top pillagers were:

4th place Maarten de Groot

3rd place Frank Maitry on 17pts

2nd Rob McCorduck on 18pts?

and in 1st place… I predict a riot… Daniel Kaiser claimed Chief golfer of day on 18pts

Several AKD matches were played and to be honest I can’t remember the results, but you can have a look on once updated by our industrious website director Jess Have.

The Pink Ball was courted by Alan and Richard, but ultimately went to Gerry Mullan, clearly the most risk-taking and aggressive member of our posse of wild, hairy, tailless amphibians… narrowly missing out on the all-time PB record, long held by an esteemed countryman, will be biting the head off a live chicken before teeing off with his prize at the next outing, which will be Citco Round 5 on Wednesday 14 June at Preisch.

Best regards,